My life

2 steps forward, 5 steps back

It’s been forever since I’ve last posted but life, as usual, got in the way. Lately, it seems like my life has been filled with lots of ups and downs and my mind has been having a hard time trying to grasp it all.  I feel like whenever my life takes a step forward, it gets thrown back to the start right after.

As you might know, a few months ago, I was accepted into a Clinical Research Certification program at a technical school near my home.  Even though it’s not a job, I was thrilled to know that starting in January, I would be doing something instead of wasting all that knowledge away.  The day of orientation, I learned that my adviser was out due to an illness but said he would contact me ASAP to help me register.  Right then and there should have been my red flag but I ignored it.  Because I was starting in the spring, the classes they were offering were “part 2” of the classes those students took in the fall, hence why he was going to contact me.  First off, he NEVER contacted me; I had to email him at least twice in a 2 weeks period to figure everything out.  Finally, after sending him a 3rd email, he told me I could register.  They opened up the classes I needed for the spring, which made me thrilled.  As soon as I was registered, I sent in the fees before the due date and went on vacation with the family for a week.  This morning, when I checked, I saw that my classes were dropped unexpectedly, without any emails from the school, explaining to me the situation.  At first, I thought I might have forgotten a payment but I didn’t.  Even if they randomly charged my account a couple days later (you know how colleges are like), most schools would email you to let you know there was a charge in your account.  Then I thought that perhaps not enough students registered, which caused my classes to be dropped.  However, a decent school would at least notify you when that happened.  The school where I got my bachelors degree had the courtesy of notifying you about this, so you had enough time to register for a different class.  Whatever the reason it may be, it angered me.  Just when I thought things were starting to look up for me, I get thrown back to square one.  It’s frustrating.

Even though I have a great support system from my family and boyfriend’s family, it still brings me down when crap like this happens to me.  I don’t want to throw a pity party for myself but there are times when I just cannot help myself.  I would have never thought that after a year from graduating with a Biotech degree, I would be struggling this much to find a job, let alone, get into a certification program that wouldn’t screw me over.

At the end of the day, I have to keep telling myself to keep my chin up and think positive.  Believe me, it’s not easy and trust me, I pretty much spent the day crying my eyes out over it.  What got me through it was having my boyfriend over and holding me and listening to me pour my heart out.  He didn’t really say much except make me laugh here and there and say “I love you.”  That did help me tremendously, especially knowing how much he supports me and is there for me during this time.  I don’t know how next year is going to turn out for me but I’m praying it will go smoothly with less panic attacks.  Who knows, maybe this event is a sign that there’s something better out there for me or maybe right now it’s not my time.  Maybe God wants me to do something else before I start focusing on myself.  I know this type of heartache won’t be last and I definitely expect more to come but at the end of the day, all I can do is get back on my feet, once again, and push forward, harder, no matter how many times I get thrown back to the beginning.


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