My life · Uncategorized

The start of a new chapter

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

My first post was all about my struggles in life. When so many negative things happen in your life, it’s really difficult to think positive.  I was getting to the point where all I felt was frustration at everything and anything.  All I really wanted was a sign, a small sign, to tell me things will get better. I would get so frustrated when someone who is the most selfish person on earth would get rewarded yet someone who cares about others, suffer.  Things are FINALLY starting to look up for me and I’m so thankful for it.

About a month ago, while searching for jobs, I thought about going back to school to get certified in something.  I felt that if I made myself stand out more, lab companies would want to take more interest in me. I decided to look into schools that would provide me with more skills and would not take long to get.  I found a school around here that offers a Clinical Research certification program…after a month of stressing out, I finally was accepted into the program!

Even though it’s not a job, it’s a step forward to get to that goal.  I felt like all this knowledge I worked so hard in gaining the past 4.5 years was starting to fizzle away since I wasn’t putting much use into it.  Not going to lie but it was irking me that I couldn’t remember the basic stuff from my Microbiology or Biotechnology class. At least now I’ll be able to learn more skills and add on to what I already know…hopefully the things I am forgetting will come back to me in January!

When I found out I got into the program, my mom asked me if I regret having that anxiety attack the week before; my answer was no.  I know I had a freak attack over “nothing” but I’m glad that it happened to me.  Having that attack made me realize just how important starting the next step of my life was and if I didn’t have a melt down, I don’t think I would have known just how much it was bothering me.

Before graduating, I thought by the end of the year I would be working in the lab, finally putting my knowledge to a good use but that hasn’t happened.  It’s frustrating when you want something so bad but it seems so far away.  It’s frustrating when your friends and family around you are moving forward with their lives but you feel like yours has come to a halt.  I know that feeling and I struggle with that everyday.  It’s so easy to turn the other way and throw in the towel but what exactly would you be proving by doing so?  Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire even when the going gets tough.  It’s okay to feel down and it’s okay to have your melt downs but giving up won’t get you anywhere in life.  I’ve had to keep reminding myself that when I do get a job, compared to other people, I will appreciate what I do 1000x more.

When you don’t reach that final goal, be thankful if you reach that tiny goal because that small goal will help you get where you want to go.  I’m still unemployed but I’m going back to school.  It’s not a job but it’s something!  Sometimes in life, you need to take baby steps to reach that goal.  If somebody next to you is reaching their goals quicker than you, don’t ever look down at yourself as if you’re a failure.  Easier said than done, especially when so many horrible things are happening around you but it is true!  The only difference between you and the person who is achieving their goals quicker is that YOU will APPRECIATE that final goal so much more.  You will be looking back at all your heartache and pain and realize then that all of it was worth it in the end.  It’s a difficult mindset to have-even if I find myself not taking my own advice but it’s something I’m starting to do everyday.  I’m proud of where I am and I’m thankful that I can officially close this chapter of my life and start a new one in a few months.  My ultimate goal is to one day work for CDC-mark my words, it WILL happen.  I refuse to let that challenge win me in any shape or form.



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