My life

Life’s a struggle

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“All of life is a journey which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there.”-Unknown

My first blog post and I have no idea where to start. For starters, I’m a 24 year old college graduate with a degree in Biotechnology. Anytime people hear what I majored in, they give me one of those wide eyes, thinking I’m completely crazy-which I am. What can I say, I love science; there’s just something about sitting in lab, looking at blood, bacteria, and viruses that gives me a tingly feeling inside. Graduating last December, I truly thought my life would turn a new page and I could start the next chapter in my life. That dream slowly started fading away. 10 months in and I’m still struggling to find a job in this crappy economy.  It’s difficult to see the people around me moving on with their lives, doing things they have the passion, while my life has been in a stand still.

Now most college graduates would say “But you’re still young, enjoy life while you have the chance”-the truth is is that getting a start on my career is what I truly want. Quite honestly, I do not want to be in my 30s struggling to find a job just because I felt the need to party it up in my early 20s.

Many might be wondering why I’m taking this struggle to the heart and why I’m being so hard on myself.  The truth is is that my whole life has been a constant struggle. Since I started my schooling, I wasn’t the brightest student. Yeah, I would occasionally get on the honor roll or perfect attendance but I was no “smart” cookie. Compared to my sister, I was one of those students who would study hard, pull all nighters, and kept up with all my readings yet would somehow get a C or D on an exam. I’m not saying this happened all the time because it didn’t but on average, my grades would range from B-D, which was always upsetting. You’re taught that if you put in effort, you’ll pull an A but that was never the case for me. I always changed my studying habits around yet I would still struggle. It was always upsetting to see people around me who would put in the same studying effort as me make A’s on their exams whereas I would get some A’s but mainly C’s. My college years were extremely difficult from the get go. I will admit that my first year was my crap year since I did not put in much effort. I blame myself for that since so much happened that year that I couldn’t take it all in.  However, as second year approached, I buckled down and focused more on school. Even with that attitude, I didn’t get the grades I thought I should get. If you check out my transcript, you will see an ocean of C’s with several B’s, a D, and few A’s. Grades always brought my self esteem down and I always had a tendency of putting myself down for not putting in more effort. I always thought that I could always do better and if I just studied those last 10 minutes, I might have pulled an A. I know it’s the wrong attitude to have but that was just how I thought.

You have to understand that my life was nothing but a comparison to my younger sister. Yes, the comparison.  What little kid wants to hear people say how you went through an ugly phase and how any outfit I wore during that time looked hideous on me but would look beautiful on my sister? It’s crazy how something like that could do to a 5 or 6 year old’s mentality. It wasn’t even fun hearing I think immaturely for my age and how if I don’t know everything about science then I don’t have a passion for it. I tried my hardest to be a better person and mount to my sister’s level; however, when I did, someone would find a flaw in me and bring me right back down.  It was hurtful and humiliating for me. I felt like I could never get anywhere in life because I wasn’t like my sister. When I wasn’t pulling in those good grades after all that studying, I felt like I couldn’t mount up to anything. It’s sad but true. Even through all that, I still pushed myself and challenged myself whenever possible. I never took the easy road out no matter how difficult it got. After 4.5 years of stressing, yanking my hair out, lack of sleep, and a difficult battle, I finally graduated. Finally, God will reward me with a job for all the heartache I went through.

10 months later, over 50 job applications, and 3 job interviews later, here I am, still unemployed. Frustrating more than anything. It’s gotten to the point where if someone gives me a suggestion on where to apply, it irks me to the core. I know they’re trying to help but when you haven’t found a job in 10 months, you reach a level desperation where you’re willing to apply any and everywhere, whether or not you have the experience for it or not. Those 3 interviews I got wasn’t due to just pure luck-it was because 2 of my kids referred me. See, here’s the thing-I’m perfectly okay with rejections but what frustrates me is when a company overlooks you instantly when they see you have no work experience. Rather than taking the time to see what you can bring to the table, they just throw your resume into the “rejection” pile for that small thing. What’s even more frustrating is when they ask you to be certified AND have work experience. Okay…how am I suppose to get work experience if you won’t even hire a person to gain those experiences? No matter what you do, it’s a lose-lose situation.

I will say that I’m extremely thankful that my parents are so supportive of me. They know how difficult it has been for me and they share that frustration with me. All I can do right now is pray and hope something looks out for me. Even through all of this, I love my life more than anything. I love the people I’m surrounded by and I would not change what I have for the world. We’re on this planet for once so enjoy what you get in life, even though things around you are not so great. I know I have my down moments that’s normal but I would not be where I am today without my friends, family and boyfriend. I know things will look up for me down the road but until then, I’m going to enjoy what I do have in my life and appreciate those moments the most 🙂

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